Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Overheard in the Elevator at Work

I work in a building that has 18 floors, but the main elevator only goes up to 17 and well, I work on the 18th. So I have the pleasure of riding up two elevators everyone morning, but one of which is for my office only. Since my company moved to this building in May, I have had some pretty strange encounters in what I call "the commoners elevator."

The other day I had the pleasure of riding upstairs after my lunch break with three men - one of which was in his early thirties and the other two were well over fifty. The conversation went like this:
Older Man #1: What did you do this weekend?
Younger Guy: Your mom!
Older Man #2: Me too!
Older Man #1: Typical weekend for my mom...
This was followed by high fives all around, all while ignoring the fact that I was standing there with them in a confined space. 

Being that I work for an animal rescue group, it is pretty hard for me to understand why anyone would purchase a dog from a pet store. A breeder I can understand, as long as you do your research and know they are breeding to better the breed, and you also prepare yourself to bring home a really young puppy. However, I just cannot fathom anyone purchasing a dog for an insane amount of money unless they want it to be a show dog. This is the conversation I overheard in the elevator between two fresh-out-of-college girls who work on the 15th floor, which is an advertising agency:
Girl #1: Like, did you hear what so-and-so and her boyfriend did over the weekend?
Girl #2: Oh em gee, tell me!
Girl #1: They went and bought a dog! I can't believe they have only been dating for 3 months and are purchasing a dog together. They are so in love!
Girl #2: I know right! What did they get? 
Girl #1: Ugh, they bought a Bichon, which I don't get because like I totally told them to get a designer dog like Jessica Simpson had. And you'll never guess what they paid for it.
Girl #2: Hmmm... $600?
:::Elevator doors open and they exit:::
Girl #1: $1,800!!! What a rip off!
:::Elevator doors shut:::
And I'm in complete disgust since we have Bichons, Poodles and Maltipoos at the shelter right now. Ignorant spoiled bitches!

While I was on my way downstairs to meet a friend for lunch, I had the pleasure of riding in the elevator with a man who was dressed as if he was stuck in 1986 while on a vacation in Hawaii. As if this wasn't bad enough, he decided that he would converse with me. While I can't recall the actual conversation, I do remember him asking me if I like older men. I also recall telling him numerous times that I was married and this was awkward. The next time I saw him in the lobby I waited behind so I didn't have to be in the same elevator as him. Total creeper!

Every Friday during football season I support my team by wearing a Gators shirt or colors to work. And since I live in Georgia, the home of the most obnoxious football fans, I constantly have people trying to talk football to me. Here was the conversation I had two Fridays ago in the elevator heading out for the day:
UGA fan: Do you like the Gators?
Me: Yes. (but I was really thinking, "no jerk off, I just wear the shirt because I like the colors)
UGA fan: Did you go to school there or are you one of those bandwagon fans?
Me: I went to school at Florida. What team do you support?
UGA fan: Them Dawgs!!!
Me: I'm sorry they suck this year.
UGA fan: (said while looking down) Yea, they do suck this year, but we're going to kick your ass!!! 
:::long pause:::
UGA fan: Maybe... Have a nice day!

One of my coworkers was in the elevator with a woman who forgot to take out her hair roller. Another coworker kindly held the elevator for someone to get in and then that person turned to her and said, "12 please" like she was her personal butler. 

So in the past four months or so that I have worked in this building I have learned that if I don't make eye contact with anyone I don't know while in the elevator, I am either considered unfriendly or I don't exist, which are both fine by me!

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