Thursday, March 31, 2011

Facebook Ad Fail - They Just Don't Get It

A few weeks ago I wrote a post regarding the ridiculous Facebook ad campaign that LivingSocial was currently running. However, I would like to add some more Facebook ads to the list of fails.

Groupon has surprised me in that I didn't believe that 1. They needed the extra publicity for their site, and 2. Why are they hiring the same morons who are in charge of the LivingSocial "bucket list" campaign?
I don't think that a building like this exists in Atlanta, let alone in any normal city. Also, why would you want to purchase a coupon to go see what looks like an apartment building? Is this America's idea of the Learning Apartment of Atlanta?
Yes! Please let me add "eat ridiculously large and stale looking taco" to my list of things to do in Atlanta before I die. I wonder what the Groupon deal for this bad boy is...

I really thought that Disney's Marketing and Advertising Departments were top-notch. Unfortunately, this ad proved me wrong:

Why would Disney advertise a sad baby? Isn't this supposed to be the happiest place on earth? And who would be sad when you have Thumper patting your cheek? But most of all, why in the world is there a Disney Baby page to begin with???

I couldn't have a Facebook ad fail blog post without mentioning our friends LivingSocial.

This is mind boggling to me. How in the world did someone grow a watermelon large enough to carve into a house? Why would they put it in Cobb County (suburb of Atlanta) out of all places? Why would I pay to see this person's house that will clearly be attacked by ants at any minute? And lastly, why would anyone make a bucket list for Cobb County out of all places in the world?!?

Monday, March 28, 2011

Office Etiquette

For those of you who work in an office environment, I hope you will appreciate this post. There are certain dos and don'ts in an office and I think that the don'ts need a call out. I have to admit, this was inspired by a few instances with new employees last week. So let's just jump into it...

IF POSSIBLE, DO NOT POOP ON OUR FLOOR
I mean this literally (yes, we had poop on our bathroom floor once - gross, I know), but I also mean that you should go to another floor as a courtesy for your fellow co-workers. In our current building, there are two other floors that are unoccupied. Please do us all a favor, and go stink up the bathrooms on the other floors.

DO NOT PUT STINKY ITEMS IN THE MICROWAVE
Fish is the #1 no, no for any office kitchen. No one wants to smell the stank of your underwater leftovers, especially when there are pregnant women working in our office. Selfish. Also, if you are going to make popcorn, you MUST stand by the microwave and watch it heat up. No one likes the scent of burnt popcorn looming throughout the office for days. This is a personal bad food item for me because I hate the smell of it, but please do not cook bacon in the office. It is very pungent and not everyone likes the smell of swine.

DO NOT TALK ON YOUR CELL PHONE WHILE GOING TO THE BATHROOM
Yes, this just happened last week. Not only do others want to do their business in silence, but I'm pretty sure that the person on the other line of your phone doesn't want to hear the toilet either. No words...

IF YOU WORK IN A CUBICLE, DO NOT TALK ON SPEAKER PHONE
Not everyone wants to hear your phone conversation, especially on both ends. This means do not check your voice messages on speaker. Nor, do not listen to a conference call while on mute on speaker. If you use the excuse that you get neck cramps, then either get a headset or take an Advil.

BE MINDFUL OF OTHERS
If your cube-mate is the phone, do not start up a conversation with everyone else around. If you are listening to music or watching a video on YouTube, put on headphones. Not everyone likes your taste in music or viral videos. If you schedule a conference call and you are the leader, please show up on time. No one likes to listen to the bad hold music. And it is rude when you think that your time is more important than anyone else's, because it's not.

ELEVATOR AND DOOR ETIQUETTE
If you see a coworker walking into the building not too far behind you, hold the door for them. Same goes for the elevators. There is one person I work with in particular who consistently closes the elevator on me, which has put her on 'my list.' And trust me, it's not a good place to be.

Feel free to comment on other office dos and don'ts, as I am sure we would all love to hear them. Is it five o'clock yet?

Monday, March 21, 2011

A Series of Strange Events for a Thursday

St. Patty's Day is supposed to be a day to wear green, kiss people who claim to be Irish, and drink a ridiculous amount of beer. However, that wasn't the case for me this year. Let me start from the beginning...

Wednesday night (March 16th), started off fairly normal. I normally volunteer at an animal shelter, however, the fiancé was leaving for his Bachelor party in Vegas that night and had requested that I give him a ride to the airport. Being a good wife-to-be that I am, I skipped out on my weekly mitzvah of helping the puppies for the night and schlepped through downtown and dropped him off for his flight. Because I wasn't going to volunteer, I made plans with some girl friends to go out to dinner at one of my favorite local spots (the restaurant will remain nameless since I love it so much and don't want to give it a bad rep for what is to come). After some good food, conversation, and adult beverages, I headed back home to unwind for the night, or so I thought.

It turned out that one of the other guys who was headed to Vegas decided to give up his seat on his 7pm flight in exchange for $400 Delta dollars. While he thought he was being put on the 8:30pm flight (which did not exist), the reality was that he was instead put on the 8:30am flight the next day. He did try to fly stand-by on the 10:15pm flight, but was unsuccessful. Being the good friend that I am, I told him to come to my house and crash for the night and that I would take him to the train at 6:30am the next morning so he could catch him new flight. The friend arrived at my house around 11pm and immediately grabbed a much needed beer. We ended up hanging out until midnight, which was way past my bedtime for a school night (no, I am not in school but I will forever refer to weeknights as school nights). I set my alarm for 6:30am and then passed out.

Around 2:30am, I woke up and immediately ran to the bathroom where I proceeded to throw up for the next 2 1/2 hours straight. Clearly, something from my dinner did not agree with me and wanted to get out of my body immediately. After finally feeling like I was in the clear, I went back to bed around 5am, only to be awoken at 6:30am to the annoying sound of my alarm clock. Looking and feeling like hell, I dragged myself out of bed, threw on some clothes, grabbed the dogs and my friend, and drove around the corner to the train stop. I came back home and immediately emailed my bosses to let them know that I would be in at noon due to my lack of sleep. I then threw up a little more and passed back out.

Around 9:45am, the garage truck arrived in my cul-de-sac for our weekly trash pickup. The loud noise of the truck and the workers always sets my dogs off into a barking frenzy. I guess I was getting up.

*Let me give me a description of my house and the floor plan of our master bedroom - our master is above the garage and looks out into our driveway and cul-de-sac. We have a balcony off the master which allows the dogs to look out and see everything that is happening in the world outside. Now back to the story.

I walked over to my closet to change out of my PJs and into something more appropriate for the outside world to see so I could take the dogs for their morning walk. At this point I noticed that the garbage truck had left and now a random silver car with extremely dark tinted windows was parked perpendicular to my driveway (like it was blocking it in). I stood there and watched a strange black man get out of the car and then proceed to do a lap around our friend's Infiniti that was parked in our driveway. He then walked to my front door and rang the doorbell. I immediately released the hounds (a.k.a. sent the dogs downstairs) to viciously bark at this strange man and scare him off).
The tinting on the car was more like a limo's.
I then saw the man walk back down my driveway and get into his car. I thought he was going to leave, but I was wrong. A few seconds later, he got back out of the car with a strange white bag in his hand. He placed the bag into my mailbox, shut it, got back into his car, and then drove away.  At this point, I grabbed the dogs and walked out the front door to take them for their morning walk. (I normally go out the garage and leave the garage door open while I'm out walking them, but I just didn't feel safe with my regular routine that morning.) I walked over to the mailbox and opened it to examine the mysterious package. What I discovered was a bag full of drugs. I immediately shut the mailbox and dialed 9-1-1. I explained to the dispatcher what had happened and what I had found in my mailbox. I told her I was going to leave the package in the mailbox and she said that she would send an officer over right away. 

I don't recall my mailbox having the same message on it.
I then proceeded on my daily 10-15 minute walk with the dogs out of the cul-de-sac and down the street. While walking, I called my friend who is a dog walker and has a client around the corner from my house where she goes to every day around 10:30am. I told her what happened and she offered to come by and wait for the cops with me. She also advised me to knock on my neighbor's doors to see if anyone else had seen this suspicious vehicle before. I knocked on the three neighbors' doors to right of my house only to get no answer.

At this point, I decided to go back upstairs and wait for the police to come while staring out the window in case the car showed back up. My dog-walking friend called back to check on me. When I told her that none of my neighbors had answered their door (even though their cars were all parked in their driveways), she advised me to go to the house two doors down to the left of my house because she knew the guy who lived there and he worked from home. I left the dogs in the house and walked over to meet my neighbor for the first time. Luckily, he answered the door (he's an adorable gay Canadian). I introduced myself and told him what had happened and asked him if this type of act had been reported before. He then told me that two weeks ago, he had a friend visiting from Canada. The friend was downstairs in his kitchen, which looks out of the front door area. He saw two white-trash 20-somethings walk up to his house, wave, and then proceed through the fence and into his backyard. The friend then told my neighbor what was happening, as he thought the two trashtastic guys were his next door neighbors. My neighbor then ran out of his house and started screaming at these two intruders and told them to get off of his property immediately before he calls the cops. The guys kept asking for Mike (which is not the name of my neighbor). He then told them that there was no Mike living in that house and to leave. The two guys then got into their car and just sat in his driveway. My neighbor then walked behind their car and pretended to document their license plate number into his phone. The two hillbillies then killed their lights (this happened at night) and then drove off.
We're looking for Mike!
My first question to my neighbor was, "Did you call the police?" He said no. My second question was, "Who is Mike?" He thought about it for a few seconds and then said, "You know, Mike was the guy who was renting your house before the owner went into foreclosure. He was actually big time into drugs." BINGO! It seems like the random guy who did a drug drop-off in my mailbox was actually coming for Mike, who hasn't lived there in months.

At this point, my dog walker friend showed up and immediately asked to see these drugs. I told her that I left them in the mailbox. All three of us walked over to my mailbox, but when I opened it, the drugs were gone! A few minutes later, the cop showed up. I told him the whole story, but since the evidence was gone, there was nothing he could do. He told me that if I had gotten a license plate number or still had the package in my mailbox, we would have had a case.
Where did the drugs go???
My theory is that the guy pulled up to my house thinking that this Mike guy still lived there. He then did a walk around our friend's car because he didn't remember that being there before. When he rang the doorbell and the dogs came to the door, he started to think that Mike didn't live there anymore. Once he put the stash into the mailbox and drove off, he then called this Mike guy, who then told him he had moved. While I was out walking the dogs, he must have come back and picked up the drugs and drove off. Man, I should be a detective!

Not the ideal way to start off a St. Patty's Day, but it did make for one hell of a story!

Monday, March 14, 2011

The JDate Stalker

I used to have another blog, which I have long given up on. However, it seems that one post in particular was extremely popular. So back by popular demand, here is The JDate Stalker post that was posted on my previous blog in April of 2009. Keep in mind that these events took place before I started dating the now fiance. And now, I did not meet my man on JDate. Enjoy!

The JDate Stalker – An Entertaining True Story…

A few months after I moved to Atlanta I had my heart broken and needed a boost in self-esteem. The cure: creating a profile on JDate. While I got what I wanted out of my trial month (without paying), I also got more than I had hoped for. Let me start from the beginning because this story is just too entertaining not to give you all of the details.

Where what happens?
Where what happens?


One of my friends had been living in Atlanta for a year before I moved here and she decided to use JDate as a way to meet some new guys. She started talking to a guy (*we will call him Brian and we will call her Lisa) who, like her, was from South Florida and had moved to Atlanta after college. He also worked for one of the major sports teams in Atlanta and she was in school for a sports-related degree. Another plus. This is as far as the common/good traits go… They had arranged to go to an Atlanta Braves game together and meet up with some of his friends. Sounds like fun, right? Well in theory it was. Brian picked Lisa up at her place, which was further south than he lived and also on the way to Turner Field. However, when he left her place, he started driving north (away from the stadium). Even though she was newer to the city, she knew this was not right and asked him where he was taking her. He told her that he needed to run home and grab a few things before they headed to the game. Fine. She went upstairs with him where he then proceeded to sit on the couch with her and try to hold her hand. RED FLAG! She immediately demanded to go to the game and after much hesitation he obliged.

What a freak!
What a freak!



They were finally in the car on their way and she thought that it couldn’t get any worse. Boy was she wrong. They got to the stadium and he proceeded to take her to their seats, where it was just the two of them. She asked him where his friends were that they were supposedly meeting, but he acted like he didn’t know what she was talking about. Lisa then excused herself, called a friend to pick her up, and left Brian at the stadium dateless. Whoever said JDates were harmless is clearly wrong!

What does this have to do with me might you ask? Well, Brian, the JDate stalker was hungry for his next pray and decided I was a good target. Boy was he wrong!

(Sidenote: Brian is completely harmless – he just lacks in dating and somewhat of the social skills. No females were harmed during his JDating tactics.)

Now back to me… Brian originally messaged me with the normal chit chat:
“I see you are from South Florida – so am I.”
“Do you like sports? Well I can get you
tickets to the SEC Championship game (which my Florida Gators were in).”
“You live in (enter my first Atlanta apartment complex here) – I live there too!”

url1

Being that I am a Jewish girl, I had to call my good friend Lisa to tell her about all the guys I was talking to on JDate. After discussing with Lisa about a few uglies who actually thought they had a shot with yours truly, I decided to mention Brian. She told me that I had to call her immediately and to stop talking to him right away. This is when she told me about the story above and that apparently he had done something very similar to another friend that he had met on Match.com. Yes, that’s right, he was a multiple dating website user. After Lisa filled me in on how sketchy this guy was, I started to notice it more and more. I decided that I would NEVER meet up with him and just start to ignore him in the hopes that he would go away, but yet keep in little touch in the hope that he might be able to get me tickets to the SEC Championship game (evil of me but you gotta do what you gotta do for the Gators). I would put up my away message on AIM saying I was at the gym, and five minutes later he would show up at the gym (remember, we lived in the same complex). I would put up another away message saying, “getting ready to go out” and would come back to a number of instant messages from him asking where I was going. This had to end!

Now for those of you who know me well know that I 1. don’t take crap from anyone, 2. express exactly what I am thinking out loud, and 3. make my presence known. This guy was going to leave me alone for good. So what did I do? I blocked him on AIM and ignored his JDate messages like a coward…

Now it has been 2 1/2 years (**now more than 4 years**) since my JDate stalker struck. I was talking with a friend who had moved to Atlanta a few months ago and she decided to try JDate out as a way to meet some new people in this new city. She would tell me of the guys she would go on dates with and talk to through the dating site, but I didn’t recognize any of them. Until she mentioned a guy that sounded a lot like Brian. Alas! The JDate stalked was still single and still at it years later. So I filled her in on mine and Lisa’s stories about him and she immediately faked illness to avoid the date they had set up for that upcoming weekend – SAVED!
Sorry, but I have the Bird Flu and won't be able to date you. But it's for your own good!
Sorry, but I have the Bird Flu and won't be able to date you. But's it's for your own good!

Now you all know one of the many reasons that I am completely against JDate. I know it works for a handful of people. I even have a friend who met her husband on the site (as well as my sister and now brother-in-law). But here in Atlanta, it kind of sucks! At least it did for myself and Lisa and a number of my other friends, including my former roommate. But I do have to say it makes for some good stories and girly bonding moments over stalkers and weirdos.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the parties involved

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Stupid Sh*t I've Done in the Past: Wrong Crowd

We all have done a lot of stupid shit in our youth. Whether we admit it or not, our parents typically knew what was right and wrong for us. However, we had to do some really stupid things in order to learn for ourselves.

When I was in grade school I was definitely not a saint by any means. One of the biggest midtakes I made was hanging out with some coworkers from the restaurant I worked at for two years while in high school. I was a nice Jewish girl who was on track to get good grades in school and go to college, which I did. However, the servers at my place of business were the complete opposite - they didn't go to college, did drugs, and were just an all-around bad influence. However, I was confident enough in myself and I can honestly say that I never once did any type of illegal drug (marijuana did not count for me back then), but I did spend my fair share of nights and weekends watching people partake in substances I had only heard of from D.A.R.E.
One night in particular stood out from all of the rest. I hung out with three roommates, all of which were much older than I and all had some drug issues. One night, while running out with the boys to get something to eat, a car pulled up next to ours with two guys in it who were both around their age. They proceeded to roll down there window and ask us to do the same. The naive girl that I was thought they just wanted directions. Instead, they started screaming at my friends saying that they owed them money for some drugs (or something like that - I really don't recall the details). They threatened the guys with words and eventually with violence. My friend that was driving the car decided to try and outrun them - he ran red lights, weaved in and out of cars, and was driving way too fast for my comfort level. Yet, the other car stayed on our trail. At one point, the other car started bumping us with their care to try and either blow out our tires or to just run us off the road. I can honestly say that in that moment, I was completely terrified and I am surprised that I didn't poop in my pants out of fear (how's that for honesty?).


The boys were out of ideas, and fearing for my safety (since I was an innocent bystander), they started to freak out. Luckily, my street smarts kicked in and I instructed the boys to drive to a local movie theater, since at that time there was always a rent-a-cop on duty. A few minutes later, we were parked outside the theater and screaming at the cop that we were being chased in a violent manner. When the guys in the other car realized what we were doing, they immediately fled. We were safe!
Thank you rent-a-cop!
 I was too shaken up to continue to hang out with them, so I had them drive me back to my parent's house where I knew I would be safe. I found out later that one of the guys used to be friends with one of my friends, but I knew nothing more to the story, nor did I care to ever ask for details. The smart side of me would have noticed the red flag of my restaurant crowd, but the stupid teenager in my thought that there was no harm in continuing to hang out with them.